Quotes that may never be heard on Star Trek Star Trek: The Original Series Kirk: Dammit, Spock, my perm's starting to frizz! Bones: He's dead, Jim....you grab his tricorder, I'll get his wallet...... Spock: Captian, I can only mate once every seven years... and you're starting to look pretty good to me. Bones: I'm a doctor, not a transvestite Nazi Eskimo! Scotty: She'll hold together fine, Captian. Go ahead and go as fast as you want, fire phasers all day, whatever. Chekov: Keptin, do hyou tink my ahkzent could be ahny ticker? Kirk : I'm - NOT - gonnapayalot - for - this muffler. Kirk (leading landing party): McCoy, you and Spock come with me. You guys in the red shirts, go over there behind that big rock. Advertisement Voice-Over : We've *secretly* replaced Scotty's dilithium crystals with new Folger's crystals... Ensign No-name (stepping onto the transporter pad) : I regret that I have but one live to give for the Federation. Kirk: I'm sorry, I'm just not into this whole sleezy seduction thing right now... Sulu: Could I try navigating with my eyes closed? Uhura: Hey, make the damn call yourself!! I'm sick of playing second fiddle around here!!! Spock: Happy!! Happy!! Joy!! Joy!! Happy!! Happy!! Joy!! Joy!! McCoy: Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor,......ah, crud. I need a new line. Alien female to Kirk: Really, this was you're first time? Star Trek: The Next Generation Picard: Let's blast the little buggers back to the Stone Age. Riker: Not tonight, I have a headache. Data: I am really bored Data: If I only have a brain. Wesley: I can't do that; it's too geeky Picard: Hey! Leggo of my eggo! Data: She always gets to sit at the conn! Why don't I ever get to sit at the conn? What, you all think androids can't drive? I can drive the ship better than any of you guys. How many of you have taken over the whole ship single-handedly? Huh? Huh? Geordi: About last night... Troi: I sense how you feel... and... you're so *weird* Guinan: Norm! Worf: Captain, can you move a little to the left? Your head is blinding me Data: The history of Meranes IV? Hey! What do I look like? An encyclopedia?! Go look it up Troi: I know something you don't know... naa naa na naaaa.... Riker: Damn that itches.... Data: Too bad about Frank, isn't it (2001) Data: My brain hurts Picard: On second thought let's not go to Camelot. It tis a silly place (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) The Enterprise Security unit (singing): Brave Sir Worf ran away, bravely ran away away. When trouble reared it's ugly head he bravely turned his tail and fled......" While Worf is saying : I didn't!!...I never!! ALL LIES!! (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) Geordi: I already ran a diagnostic, Commander -- what do you think I am, stupid? Guinan: I really think you should be talking to Counselor Troi about this; after all, I don't want to step on her toes or anything Troi: Well, you don't need ME to tell you they're lying Q: Excuse me, Captain -- mind if I come in for a minute? Picard: And remember, I'm not just a spokesman, I'm also a client! Beverly Crusher: Jean-Luc, guess what? It turns out that Wesley is really Jack's son after all Data: There's Antimony, Arsenic, Aluminum, Selenium ...(Tom Lehrer's "The Elements") Picard: Book him Worfo, Murder One Riker: Captain, I've decided to leave Starfleet and become a cloistered Monk in Tibet Dr. Pulaski: I agree with you 100% Captain. Data: Don't say 'ain't,' 'cause 'ain't' ain't right! Picard: Ewww, no! I don't like it! Give it to Riker... he'll eat ANYTHING! Picard: Shakespeare was a fraud. Troi: What do you think I am? A mind reader? Riker: Me lead the away team Captain? Why don't go down there yourself? Riker: My Celibacy oath is on record (ST TMP) Ro Laren: Row Row Row your Boat (ST V) Picard: T0-GA! TO-GA! TOGA! (Animal House) Worf: The incredible Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, descends toward an alien planet surface. (Calvin & Hobbes) Geordi during an anti-matter containment breach: OH!!! NO WONDER!!!! Someone secretly replaced the dilithium crystals with Foldger's Crystals!!!!!!!! (See Jokes page for reference) Worf: Hey, can someone French braid my hair? Dr. Crusher: I don't care how bad you're hurt. If you don't give me your insurance card and fill out these forms, you can just sit there and bleed, for all I care. Data: FEEEELINGS, woah woah woah FEEEELINGS Troi: Captain, I'm sensing something from the alien that could be of use. Crusher: I'm not a doctor, but I play one on tv. Data: Zing went the strings of my heart. Data: I've got a bad feeling about this. Data: Here I am, brain the size of a planet... Troi (to Riker): Why you low-down, no-good, scruffy-looking nerf herder! Crewmember to Picard: "You're French aren't you?" Picard to crewmember: "OF COURSE I'm French. Why do you think I'm speaking with this outrageous accent. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.." (Monty Python & The Holy Grail) Picard: Whomp ... there it is! Dr. Crusher: Has anyone seen my ThighMaster? Data (wildly flapping his arms): DANGER!!! DANGER, WILL ROBINS... I mean RIKER!!!WARNING!!! Troi: Oh Will...Didn't you know? I married Tom. Guinan: "I do make sense, you humans just don't understand me, with you puny,stupid bodies and brains..." Beverly Crusher: He's dead, Jean Wesley: I HAVE A DATE!!! Data: I got no strings, to hold me down, to make me fret, to make me frown... Picard: I'm Jean-Luc Picard, and your not. Worf: Kill de Wabbit....KILL DE WABBIT! Worf to Picard: Captain; there was no kaboom! There was no Earth shattering kaboom!! (Marvin Martian) Troi: Now Captain...about those fuzzy dice for the Forward View Screen... Data-- Who's been holding up the damn elevator?!?!? (with apologies to DeForest kelley :>) Picard-- Oh my stars and garters I've never seen anything like it before in my life. Geordi: Actually, for once, I can tell you exactly why the shuttlecraft exploded. Captain Picard to Borg ship: Excuse me...Do you have any Grey Poupon? Picard: You have the bridge number one I'll be in my quarters...watching guiding light. Don't disturb me Riker: Captain, I commend you on your decision to go down to the planet surfacewhere you will most certainly be captured by 50 armed terrorists. I will not try to change your mind at all. Robin Lefler: Law 104: These laws are stupid. Deanna Troi: I'm sick of giving away plot lines for you, Picard! If you want to know if this guy's lying or not, why don't you read the script!? Troi: Yes Captain - the Libyan is defintely bluffing Troi: I'm not a Betazoid, I'm a Trapazoid! Worf: I need a valium Picard(to Riker while on approach to a primitive planet): I hope we have a chance to violate the prime directive again. I'm trying to beat Kirk's record. Riker: Prime Directive? What Prime Directive? Picard: Actually, I've always considered it to be the prime SUGGESTION, myself. Beverly Crusher: I'm sorry Wes, you're not really my child. Go out and play in the shuttle bay landing area. Picard: Boy I sure miss the good old days when Q was around. Picard: Now, where did I leave my keys? Deanna Troi: Alright! Which one of you men left the damn toilet seat up? Ensign Ro: Have a nice day. Data (roaming around the bridge in a pink uniform): It keeps going, and going, and going... (apologies to the Energizer Bunny) Data reading "Green Eggs and Ham" to the Romulans. Riker: Naaa..., They probably forgot about that one. (Star Wars) Ensign Lefler (to herself): Robin's Rules #178 - Don't ever try to look at Wesley's birthmark again! Spot: "Tribbles in bits, tribbles in bits. I'm gonna get me some tribbles in bits." Riker: Troi, would you take command of the ship? Myself, the Captain, Geordi and Data are going to the holodeck to strip naked, dance, howl, beat on drums and talk about our fathers. Romulan Captain: Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons! *Bonks Picard on Head with stick* Picard: Ow, quit it! Romulan: Give us the Enterprise. Picard: No *Bonk* Picard: Ow! Okay. Data: What's this button do? Picard: Captain's Log. Star date 4.57396782658264826. Today I have assigned new duty to Data. He is to determine why it is that this computer is unable to automatically determine the Star Date. Data: Captain the sensors are all higgledy-piggledy! Picard: (To a Romulan Commander) Pardon me, are those Bugle Boy Jeans you're wearing? The whole crew singing, while flapling their arms:"I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight." Wesley (standing behind command chair, looking down at Picard's head, muttering): wax on, wax off...... Jean-luc singing: Jingle bells, batman smells... Starfleet tactics instructor: I'm afraid, Mr. Crusher, that "use the force" is NOT an acceptable solution to the Kobayashi Maru scenario! Picard: Feel the excitment, Will. Pontiac. Picard: Worf, give me back my fedora. Computer: Abandon Ship!...Awooga! Awooga! Abandon Ship! Troi: (singing) They're coming to take me away he, he they're coming to take me away! Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Bashir: Yes, Dax -- I understand that you don't wish to pursue a sexual relationship with me at this time, and I respect your wishes in this matter. I won't bring it up again. O'Brien: Sir, the replicators are all in working order and all the equipment is running perfectly. Ad as a token of my respect, I'd like to present you with this likeness of yourself that I've carved out of Irish Spring soap. O'Brien: Hey! You broke it! You fix it! I've got better things to do than to play the Maytag Repairman!! Odo: Hey! Ya mind turning down the heat up there! I'm melting!