THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
-------------------------

AGE        DRINK
17         Wine Coolers
25         White wine
35         Red wine
48         Dom Perignon
66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17         Need to wash my hair
25         Need to wash and condition my hair
35         Need to color my hair
48         Need to have Francois color my hair
66         Need to have Francois color my wig

FAVORITE SPORT
17         shopping
25         shopping
35         shopping
48         shopping
66         shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17         "Burger King"
25         "Free meal"
35         "A diamond"
48         "A bigger diamond"
66         "Home Alone"

FAVORITE FANTASY
17         tall, dark and handsome
25         tall, dark and handsome with money
35         tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48         a man with hair
66         a man

HOUSE PET
17         Muffy the cat
25         Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35         Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48         Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66         Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17         17
25         25
35         35
48         48
66         66


IDEAL DATE
17         He offers to pay
25         He pays
35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66         He can chew breakfast



----------------------------------------------------------------------

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
-----------------------

AGE        DRINK
17         beer
25         vodka
35         scotch
48         double scotch
66         Maalox

SEDUCTION LINE
17         My parents are away for the weekend.
25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35         My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48         My wife is away for the weekend.
66         My second wife is dead.

FAVORITE SPORT

17         sex
25         sex
35         sex
48         sex
66         napping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17         "tongue"
25         "breakfast"
35         "She didn't set back my therapy."
48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66         "Got home alive."

FAVORITE FANTASY
17         getting to third
25         airplane sex
35         menage a trois
48         taking the company public
66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

HOUSE PET
17         roaches
25         stoned-out college roommate
35         Irish setter
48         children from his first marriage
66         Barbi

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17         25
25         35
35         48
48         66
66         17