Q: How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five thousand, four hundred and forty six

   14 White House aids to appear on the Sunday morning news shows
   denying that the bulb is burned out.

   8 White House aids to blame the previous administration

   4 Major news anchors to call the Republicans mean-spirited.

   243 children to stand behind Clinton as he explains the impact of
   burned out bulbs on our children and how the mean-spirited
   Republicans want our children to grow up in darkness

   1 first lady to say the changing the light bulb takes a village.

   9 Hollywood stars to testify as experts because they played a
   movie role in which they changed light bulbs.

   15 White House spin doctors to put the best light on it.

   103 US Representatives to tell us that only Washington D.C.
   really knows how to change a light bulb.

   1 President to tell us that he feels our darkness and has 18 new
   federal programs to prevent burned out light bulbs, and that he
   has vivid memories of black light bulbs burning out during his
   childhood in Arkansas.

   42 cruise missiles to take the heat off the burned out bulb.

   1 campaign advisor to recommend the use of red light bulbs.

   1 Vice President to inform us of the environmental impact of
   changing a light bulb.

   2 White House advisors to devise a tax on those who are unfairly
   able to change their own light bulbs.

   1 Dead White House lawyer who can be blamed for anything that
   can't be pinned on the Republicans.

   1 White House ghost who can retrieve the light bulb files that no
   one else knows anything about.

   5,000 Bureaucrats to make sure that the bulb is changed
   correctly, doesn't offend anyone, doesn't impact the environment,
   doesn't unfairly benefit one group, doesn't harm anyone during
   the installation, and is up to 1945 specifications for light
   bulbs.

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Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four hundred and seventy one:

   12 to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old
   bulb;

   23 to deregulate the light bulb industry;

   16 to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D;

   34 to cut the marginal tax rate on high-wattage light bulbs;

   9 to threaten trade sanctions if Germany and Japan don't start
   buying more 110-volt bulbs;

   53 to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb;

   41 to chat with defense contractors about equipping everyone in
   the building with night-vision gear instead;

   And 283 to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs,
   or screwing anything, on the Internet.