A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another woman by their 
wife or girlfriend. 

- I can't believe that outfit she is wearing. (Said disdainfully) 
- Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman. 

- I think that's a man dressed as a woman. (Incredulous) 

- Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen? 
(Chances are she hasn't seen that movie- and neither have you, but you will get brownie 
points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her )

- I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually joined a convent (or 
was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be a real nut case

- Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing! 

- I was staring off into space because I was about to have an epiphany about the 
direction of my life and the nature of my love for you, but its gone now, thank you 
very much! 

- Hey that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I glad I ever got 
away from her. What a moron. 

- I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful woman, but to me she is 
like one of those fancy bakery cakes that looks good, but then you have a bite and it 
is so sweet that it makes you sick. She makes me sick. (It helps if you convulse a little
at the end here.. maybe it will camouflage your drool).

- I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can never hold a candle to 
you (this one might only get you punched, but its worth a try). 

- Do you think she's prettier than me?
(Give her a taste of her own medicine)